Saturday, 10 November 2007

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex

He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back and forth.Cut the shit already, I want it, you want it, we're not fooling anyone...let's just have sex.Seriously. People don't understand why "poking" exists on facebook. It's pretty clear that it's facebook's classy way of flirting, none of this "I was just thinking about you" bullshit. You want to have sex, so you poked me.

End of story.
Be realistic, how often are you poked by a member of the same sex?
If a member of the same sex pokes you, chances are they're gay. And if they're not gay, and you two are "just great friends"...Everyone else thinks you guys are gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

--THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF POKING--

I) Never poke someone you dont know and haven't spoken to, simply because you find them attractive.

Stop being obvious and gross/stalker-y.

II) Don't poke anyone you don't want to have sex with. You'd just be an asshole giving them the wrong message. If you "just want to say hello", then IM them or comment on their profile etc, and actually say hello.

III) Don't return any pokes to the person who poked you if you dont find them attractive. You'll just be leading them on. It's not cool to break unnecessary hearts.

IV) Straight men don't poke other men. It is never appropriate. End of story.

V) DONT OVER-POKE! If you're poking more out of routine than to display real affections, you're poking too much. Limiting the frequency with which you poke helps retain the value of a single poke.

VI) If your poking is becoming too frequent, you need to have sex already. Once you've been poking back and forth for a few days, it becomes time to take the poking from the internet to the bedroom...or shower, kitchen, main lounge, attic, museum, airplane, fast-food restaurant bathroom, Chuck-E-Cheese's ball-pit, etc.

VII) Be careful when you decide to hide your pokes. Hiding a poke is the same thing as a rejection, and you don't want to send the wrong message to someone you might be interested in. If you are attracted to a person but don't want to be bothered with constantly poking back and forth, just leave the poke up there, it doesn't bite.

VIII) Poke wars are retarded (see #6). The process of poking isn't fun. You're just clicking a friggin' button. The sex that comes afterwards is the fun part. Two people competing over who "gets poked last" or who "pokes the other the most" or whatever is the most ridiculous concept I've ever heard. It's like two people sitting across from each other saying "I want to have sex" back and forth but with neither of them actually doing anything. They poked you, you poked them. Now stop the poking, and go have sex.

IX) If you like being an elusive, hard-to-get poke, don't give it up too soon! Sometimes, witholding that poke for a few days can intensify the relationship. Or, if you like subtly letting others know you're angry, take a long time to return their pokes, or hide their pokes altogether. Internet poking is as mental, as real poking is physical.

X) The last, but certainly not the least important Commandment: PRACTICING SAFER POKING.It was already stated in the First Commandment that it's wrong to poke those you dont know that you only have physical attractions for, however, creeps are out there, and it happens nonetheless. DON'T POKE PEOPLE YOU DONT KNOW. You never know who that mysterious person poking you is. You never know who they've poked, or even if they were safe pokers themselves. Unsafe poking can lead to stalker-esque relationships, both in and out of Facebook. And you never know who might give you a virus (be it spyware or herpes). Neither of us want that.
Two ways to poke safer are: to completely abstain from poking (this is the only 100% safe, religiously appropriate way), and to only poke people you know. Also, putting up sexy, cute, or marginally attractive profile pictures that non-friends can see might lead to unwanted poking. Be wary...and slutty/hoish at your own risk. I recommend neutral profile pictures of puppies, flowers, or famous athletes. Doing anything else might attract attention and end disasterously!

If you were: a victim of a poke-and-run, poked anyone without protection, a forced-poke victim, or gave accidental drunken pokes to that "less-than-par" sorority girl, please contact your local teen crisis hotline, police station, health center, school counselor, or any trustworthy adult.



Friday, 19 October 2007

A while away seems like an enternity in technology

Its been a while but I am back.

My facebook craze has worn thin, i have a bunch of friends sending me "drinks", odd "questions" and reminiscing about how they know me. Its fun, I guess, but its not something that would keep me engaged for hours. I am the kind of person who plays with a new toy and then gets bored - i am looking for the next new thing when everyone else is still playing with the current one.

Monday, 9 July 2007

facebook...are you bored yet?

So after playing with Facebook for about a week or two, adding some friends, adding a few playful apps, including of course the essential Dilbert strip, I am now sitting here thinking "ok, what next".

Once you have set it up and played a bit and updated it, its just another tool to improve you ailing ability to remain in touch with your friends. Maybe I am just an ADD child or something but I am getting bored very quickly.

Some people of course seem to be habitual FB users or some may even say abusers depending on whether they are employees or employers. Its funny as we have had a few firms asking us to start blocking these sites because staff spend thier entire day just "playing". Well if its not FB it will be soemthing else and you cant block the entire internet....or can you?

So whats next ? We seem to have taken the internet to the limit. Or have we? What is left to do with social interaction, we can chat, we can email, we can post stories,we can share pictures, we can share videos, we can share our files we can share our favourites we can even share our music. What else do we want to share, our processors, yep you can do that, your monitor, ok now you are getting obscure. But really, is there anything left to do ?

design or not to design

Ok so I took a look at Flickr the other day, finally got around to creating an account and had a snoop around by adding a few pics and playing around. Is it me or have all the latest sucessful web 2.0 tools been "un-designed". I mean has the era of design on the internet come full circle? Is it cool to have designed your own website and/or blog and/or web 2.0 application in Paint Brush ?

Ok so maybe Paint Brush is pushing the point too far - but you know what I mean eh ? The concept may be that less is more, understated is in, over-designed is out? At least I look at all the latest tools and they are all blue, they are all designed with simple naviagtions including lots of white space and hardly a custom graphic in site.

Is this the latest approach, it seems to work, less IS more.

Sunday, 17 June 2007

WEB 2.0 - The Top 10

ok so here's the deal. How many of you can actually say that you have played with all top 10 of the Web 2.0 tools on the net today ?

Not many eh? Well I have decided that in order to be a reference for this type of medium in my career and in general I am going to create an account on all of the current top 10.

ok so thats:

You Tube, have an account, but havent posted anything yet....chicken!
My Space, have a space, but its sooo bad, must work on making it pretty, but I must say I dont reall dig this one.
Orkut - who ?
Wikapedia - more on this later - what a resource eh.
Hi5 - havent the foggiest, will check out next.
Facebook - Have an account, find me there. I am busy creating my profile.
FotoLog - Hmm new one on me
Friendster - another newie
Flickr - know of this one - but havent an account or played there yet.
Daily motion - what ?

So my work is cut out, within a month I will have an account on each and will have interacted on them all. Where am I going to find the time, wow it all takes sooooo much time. ;)

Bill Gates - inspiration, visionary, worlds greatest philanthroist

There are few men in the world who have affected our modern lives in more ways than Bill Gates. If you are reading this chances are you are reading this article on a PC powered by his software and possibly even powered by his browser (unless you are a Mac fan, which is then the other inspirational visionary in the world of technology - Steve Jobs).

I cam across this awesome article in my copy of Time Magazine this week, the link here is the onlnie article: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1630564,00.html

Now whilst he is not directly responsible for Web 2.0, where would we be if this man had not started his work way back in the 70's when computers were considered the main stay of nerds.

Bill, by his own admission doesn't have the charisma or the social charm of the people skills that Steve Jobs possesses but he has led us all to the develop the concepts of Web 2.0 into a community of tools and services, using the building blocks available to us to help us to connect to people around the planet.

Saturday, 19 May 2007

The Power of Web 2.0

Check this out:

Blog 0.1

Ok so its a rainy day and finally I am sitting down to do what I have been putting off to do for some while now, build a blog to share my views on the industry that I work in and more specifically on the web 2.0 phenomen that everyone is on a buzz about, but actually seems to be poorly understood, by the masses.

Don't get me wrong, I am not claiming to be an all knowing, all seeing guru in this space...just yet. But through this blog I will explore what can be done and the new tools that are emerging and how we can use them in our lives.

Most web 2.0 tools rely on not just us but our friends also to get involved - its more fun when you are interacting with your friends as it makes the expereince more real, obviously interacting with the odd guatemalan sheep herder may also be a deeply satisfying experience too, but hey, each to thier own.

Stay tuned, there is so much to learn, join me on this journey.